The day I missed my old self...


It was just an ordinary day for me yet i feel a bit sad... I woke up with my kids, prepared the breakfast, ate with them while having some short talk about school and play. Then i hurriedly fixed myself for work after the children left for school. It was a routinary life i must say. But happiness and contentment is what makes me going every single day. 

Then i went home pretty late that night after meeting with a client, a church meeting afterwards and then last on my schedule list was to visit a dear one in the hospital... It was (maybe) the reason why i felt so drained, sad and a bit uncomfortable.
Earlier that day i got a text message from my sister in law that she'll be undergoing a D&C (Dilation and Curettage) hence she was admitted that same day to condition her for the following day's scheduled operation. As we ended the thread, I only felt two things. First i felt sad, and second i felt excited. So sad to hear the bad news because everyone in the family are already excited for a new baby. But maybe then, it wasn't meant for them. Then i felt excited because she was admitted in the hospital where i used to work years back. It was actually the first hospital where i got employed right after passing the board. And the idea that i will be visiting there brought me some excitement, expecting to see my former colleagues, my mentors and the good doctors that i used to laugh with... 

Meanwhile, in the hospital i felt emotional (though i was hiding it all by myself) when a nurse went into the room to check my sister in law's vital signs. 

I suddenly missed my old self and the old environment. It was like seeing myself in the picture, where i used to be working with vital signs every now and then, the intravenous interventions, doctor's orders, timely medications, emergencies, people nearly facing death, saving lives, operating procedures, the mind boggling medical terms and doctor's written orders, hospital beds, wheelchairs, the medical team, the white uniform and of course the nurse's cap as my crown... 

I really missed that, but right now i don't want to go back. There's only one thing that is constant, and that is change. And for some people they would believe, that a profession is a calling... Well, maybe then it was not really my calling though i am happy to serve and i love the profession. Nursing was a big part of who i am today and i just cannot take for granted the memories i have with it, from the time i was a student, till the day i got my diploma, until i got my license after i took my board exam and then the short, but well spent time working... Right now i am happy and contented with what i am doing, maybe far from what I've studied but close to my heart... up until when, only God knows. 

Still, i am a RN... And i love those two all caps letters after my full name! 

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